(with apologies to Benjamin Hoff, who wrote "The Tao of Pooh")

"Stocks are fun in the long run," said Pooh, stopping to catch his breath, as he had just finished a humungous jar of gooey honey, it being Sunday, and he had just acquired a huge holding of his favorite sticky stuff. "Christopher Robin said I made a killing in the stock market," he said, turning to Piglet, who usually hung around Pooh on Sundays, since he loved the silence of the woods and the soft slurping sounds of a bear polishing off a jar of pure honey.

"You killed a stork?" said Piglet in alarm, for he was really worried now. He was smaller than a stork and he was suddenly scared that Pooh bear may decide to kill him, especially if it helped him in holding his jar of honey. Piglet could not imagine that Pooh would kill anything, but he told himself, "I am a small animal with a small imagination," so I must be wrong, and now I must be careful. He wondered if honey was such a good thing after all.

"No, he did not!" exclaimed Rabbit, who had just arrived holding his copy of the Wall Street Journal. "Pooh would never kill anything. All Pooh did was make a very profitable purchase of stocks, and now that the Dow has risen, he has a lot of money," said Rabbit with great wisdom. "Pooh made so much money that he need not worry about where his next honey jar is coming from."

Piglet was now very confused. "How Dow, honey money…" he muttered, and edged away from Rabbit since Rabbit always made him feel small, and he was a very small animal to start with. That was why he never spent Sunday afternoons with Rabbit. And now, if Pooh was going to go around killing things to make honey, life was going to become quite difficult. There was Pooh with a huge holding of honey, and there was Rabbit with this huge roll of paper in his hand, and here, thought Piglet, am I with nothing. So he began to edge away.

"Hold on little Piglet," said Rabbit grabbing him by his shirt, "let me explain to you how Pooh made a killing. First he had a birthday party. He received a lot of presents, mostly jars of honey, but Christopher Robin gave him a five dollar note. Just as Pooh was going to the market to buy honey with the five dollar note, Christopher Robin told him to invest it."

"But Pooh doesn't wear vests," said Piglet.

"I don't wear vests, Rabbit," said Pooh who had just tuned in, because he had stopped really listening closely to Rabbit several years ago.

"Not vest, invest," shouted an exasperated Rabbit, waving his Wall Street Journal in the air. "To invest means to buy stocks with the money," he said thinking that that was as clear as he could explain it.

"You can buy storks?" said Piglet, suddenly realizing that this killing stuff might be a good thing. Maybe he could buy a very big brother pig and then he would not have to live in fear of all those heffalumps.

"S-t-o-c-k-s, not s-t-o-r-k-s," shouted a very angry Rabbit.

"Oh," said Pooh, looking disinterested, a look he was especially good at when Rabbit was around.

"Ah," said Piglet, putting on his fully knowledgeable face, "well I knew that all along."

"There are big factories out there making honey, and they are owned by many people called a company," Rabbit went on. If you want to own a piece of the factory, you can buy a share of the company. That's what Pooh did with his five dollars. Then when the company makes a lot of money, you get a share of the profits." Piglet was very impressed. He could see how profitable it would be in the company of a big brother pig.

Rabbit went on, for he was now on a roll, hopping around, finding his own story quite exciting. This was quite usual, and Rabbit would often go on like this for hours, so usually Piglet would leave, for Rabbit rarely noticed he was gone. There were some advantages to being a very small animal. But this time Piglet was interested - he thought he needed a big brother real bad. "The companies make a lot of honey, and make a lot of profits, and a lot of money," Rabbit droned on. "But sometimes, the honey season is bad and then they make a loss. Then you lose your stocks, and your share gets small."

Piglet, who felt he was getting this all clearly suddenly found himself losing the thread. How could you lose with a big brother? It was a sure thing. And then, why did Rabbit say that big brothers could get smaller? So plucking up courage, he asked, "You mean, if I buy a stock, I may not get my big brother, and if they cannot find me one, they may not give me back my money?"

Rabbit, who realized that Piglet was there after all, said - "Yes, if the company fails, then you lose your money, but if it does well, you get a lot more money back. That's why you have to be careful when you buy a stock. Just don't buy any stock, only good ones. This is why I read the Wall Street Journal - it contains information about companies and helps in deciding which are good ones and which are bad ones. Buying stocks is not easy, its very risky."

"So sometimes you can lose money," ruminated Piglet, who was beginning to feel quite happy that he did not have any money to lose. He realized that sometimes there was an advantage in being such a small animal. But he also felt a pang of regret. If only he were like Kanga. Kanga never lost money - she had a pocket to keep it in, and it was always safe and her pockets were deep. And she never bought stocks, because Roo was going to school and she used her money to pay his school fees. But without money, how was Piglet going to get a big brother, risk or no risk. Roo did not need one, he was going to school and studying hard, and he would get a good job and make money and not need a big brother. Piglet felt very sad.

"You always lose money buying stocks," said Tigger, who had come bouncing up and knocked Piglet over. "Sorry Piglet, I did not see you there," said Tigger. Piglet realized he needed a big brother more than ever now.

"I just watch the Dow," said Tigger. "Every time it goes up I feel good and I buy stocks, and when it goes down, I feel down and I sell them. Somehow, I never make money the way Pooh does. "But I like watching the Dow," said Tigger, "it jumps up and down just like me!"

"What's the Dow?" asked Pooh suddenly, finishing his second jar, and feeling a little lazy about opening the third.

Rabbit, with a testy tone in his voice, said "Its a number which tells you if your stocks are up or down. If the number is up you are making money, if its down you are losing money. Everyday, the number comes out in the Wall Street Journal here," said Rabbit, holding up the huge roll of paper in his hand. "See - here on the front page is the Dow."

Piglet squinted at it. There were so many numbers. Tigger suddenly jumped up and down, shouting, "Its up! Its up," and kept trying to jump higher, knocking down Piglet again.

"If the Dow is just one number, why are there so many other numbers?" asked a much more confused Piglet.

"Because the Dow is a summary number for all the stocks, and the other numbers tell you about specific stocks," explained Rabbit, who was quite enjoying his role this afternoon. Rarely did he get the chance to use big words when people were listening. "When the Dow goes up you get richer," concluded Rabbit, "and Pooh can buy more honey." Pooh, listening for once, instinctively opened his third jar of honey.

Eeyore had come slinking up, and asked, "Why is Tigger jumping so much more today?" Eeyore hated Sunday afternoons, because the next day was Monday, and he had been told by Christopher Robin that that was not a good thing.

"Tigger's jumping Because the Dow is up," said Piglet, eager to show off his new wisdom on the stock market. "He is going to make a killing, have you seen any storks around?"

"Well then," said Eeyore, in a dismal tone, "if its up today then it will be down tomorrow, its all too risky" and he immediately felt very low. He decided he would not look at the Wall Street Journal for a week. Better not to know - he told himself.

"Rabbit, do you make a lot of money killing stocks?" asked Piglet, sure he had the terms down right this time.

"I do not invest in stocks," said Rabbit. "Its too hard. Its always up or down and goes down just when I am up," admitted Rabbit. "I hate taking risks," confessed Rabbit. "But I know how to read the Wall Street Journal so I make a lot of money advising people about stocks they should buy. I make a good living, even after paying for the Wall Street Journal," said Rabbit, who had that air of superiority now, especially since he had decided to put his glasses on.

"So, does Pooh pay you to help him choose stocks?" asked Eeyore, who was wondering if he should ask Rabbit to help him too. After all, life could not get any worse, he figured.

"No, Pooh doesn't ask me for help, he just buys the stocks of those companies which make the honey he eats," said Rabbit. "For some reason, he ends up making big killings."

Piglet felt a fresh respect for Pooh now. He wondered how many more adjectives he would need to describe Pooh, but 'predator' sprang to mind easily. Piglet also figured it might be a good idea to ask Pooh to become his big brother.

"So Pooh, what's the secret of your success," asked Piglet, with great awe. He felt very small all of a sudden.

"Here's what happens," said Pooh, glad to get it off his chest, and finally deciding to speak, just to keep Rabbit out of the conversation. He was very tired of Rabbit's involved speeches. "Everytime I save up five dollars, I go off to buy my favorite brand of honey. On the way, since I pass Christopher Robin's house, I ask him if he needs honey, since I am off to get some. But then, Christopher Robin tells me that I have enough honey, and enough money, (for he keeps my piggy bank and my stocks), and why don't I invest it in the stock market instead. At this point I am a little tired, and actually don't feel like going to the honey shop, so I give it to Christopher Robin to buy stocks, because I don't have a pocket like Kanga to keep my money safe anyways. Somehow, I forget to read the Wall Street Journal, and I forget that I have got these stocks, but there always is money and honey, so I just let it be."

"So you see, it all starts with honey. But its just too complicated so I figure its best to let Rabbit worry about it," said Pooh finally, wondering when the Dow would go down, just so that Tigger would stop his infernal bouncing.

And Piglet was thinking - "Now, how the Dow? Where can I get five dollars?"